Arse deep in shrooms

Guess what I did all weekend? Watched paint dry. Actually it was mushrooms. These food dehydrators are the bomb! After 2 days of drying, I got some serious product going on which will be nice to put in the soup come January! I even smoked a few which proved to be a new novelty on the islands.

A damn good day's harvest. This was all found on one tree, and I left half of it there!

Chicken of the stove covered with Giant Boletes!

This poem was sent to me by an ex-girlfriend. Gotta say I enjoyed it. She said it didn't really remind her of me, but I hope I'm the one with nice ass...

EX-BOYFRIENDS NAMED MICHAEL
My mother is concerned that I haven't met a nice boy to settle down with. She keeps asking me if I met the right guy yet.
Well, Mom, there's been some nice guys who just didn't work out, some guys that have broken my heart, and there've been some ex-boyfriends named Michael.
Ex-boyfriend named Michael #1 was a sheer mistake, but we make such delightful mistakes when we are young. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes but heck....
Ex-boyfriend named Michael #2. I've washed him right out of my colon. Just for once, I'd like to date a man and not his therapist.
Ex-boyfriend named Michael #3 said I had communication problems, and I said "Oh go fuck yourself asshole." What I should have said was, "Honey I am trying to understand your feelings of frustration at our seemingly inept articulations of our emotions, but I do have some unresolved feelings of anger towards you, so please go fuck yourself, asshole."
But maybe there's the off chance he's right. I have never been that great at communicating.

Ex-boyfriend named Michael #4: I should have known better the first time we met and went back to his apartment to fuck. His idea of fuck music was Dan Fogelberg's Greatest Hits. I asked him to change the CD and he changed it to the only thing that could have been worse: Neil Diamond Live at Madison Square Garden.
Coming to America, indeed.
But I stuck with him and every fuck at his place was sheer hell. I tried telling him that his taste in music sucked and that I could seriously help him, but somehow I lacked the communication skills to do just that. But then I thought I loved him, and then I was young enough and foolish enough to believe that love can overcome Linda Ronstadt.
It cannot.
But love did not stop me from throwing his Yanni CD's behind the bookcase nor did it stop me from torching his ballads of Madison County CD on the gas stove. Oh, what a beautiful blaze it was! He swore the CD was a gift but like all ex-boyfriends named Michael he was a lying dog. Now I'm getting ahead of myself here, that's about creatively destroying ex-boyfriends' property, not about ex-boyfriends named Michael.
Ex-boyfriend named Michael #5 was suffering from a severe case of yellow fever and dumped me for some little Taiwanese guy, fresh off the damn boat. Two weeks in the Yoo-Ass and the little pissant faggot manages to find his way to Cafe Hairdo, ready to be picked up by his American Dream of Homosexual Romance. I can just see him sitting there, legs crossed, working his non-threatening little Third World charm, offering to share his table and newspaper. I can just see them now: sharing haircare products, making mutual consensual decisions about dinner, movie, sex and their emotional well-beings. I can see them sitting on the sofa with the dictionary in their laps trying to figure out the difficult words in Barbara De Angelis' Making Love Work video seminar, and thinking about adopting a fox terrier named Honey. I can see them having deep, deep discussions about which one of them has a better butt:
"You do."
"You do."
"No, you do."
"Stop it! You do."
"Yours is tight and tanned."
"But yours is pert and angry."
What a pair of goddamn fucking freaks. I would just like to see them in a big car accident crashing into an oncoming truck carrying a shipment of Ginsu kitchen knives.
But hey, I'm not bitter, I'm descriptive. I'm not jaded. I just have too many ex-boyfriends named Michael.
Just once I'd like to see everything of my life with ex-boyfriends named Michael laid out on a fat barge sent off to the landfill of affection. I'll watch the barge ferry it's way through the flotsam of therapy and crabs, dishsoap & bad sex, shared shirts & worry, devotion & drugs, pissed off nights & legless drunken revelry.
I'll wave good-bye and I'll be fine.
- Justin Chin

Fungus Humungus

Some local mushrooms picked in a short walk. Boletus Edulis (love that name), chantrelle, blue chantrelle, velvet top and chicken of the woods. mmmm.....

Another Whale of a Tale

Well this is by far the busiest days on the Queen Charlotte Islands for little ol’ Mikey. Let’s review the day with pictures....

start off with an early crab dip netting, it is of course crab Monday and this tradition has happened for 13 weeks straight. Nice little tradition to have eh! So we embark out to the special spot, greeted by the most eerie fog that sometimes graces the ‘Misty Isles’. So, the visibility was primo and we netted our crab in probably less than 20 minutes. Photo courtesy of Tall Jen.

As we start back to the truck we were notified by some tourists that a shark was swimming in the area and it had just washed up on shore right behind us.

What do you think? Ohhh the water is too cold for sharks around here.... Love seeing this body in what we’ve decided is our new surf locale for next season. Yikes. Well, maybe crab Monday will be moved to a new date and time and involving traps from now on.

Far out. So, after the crab and shark extravaganza, we make it back home to do some chores before the feast and find out there is a baby humpback on North Beach – Alive!

Apparently they were keeping it moist all day and waiting for the tide to come back up and push it out into the ocean. So we were off again! Out to the beach to see no less than 50 vehicles and 200 people surrounding this glorious mammal from the deep. It was true, buckets of water splashed over her and sure enough when the tide came back up, with some assistance, a most guttural bellow was released from this animal and she made her way back out into the ocean. Far out! The episode was full of haida chanting and some amazing energy shared with everyone.

Happy Anniversary

Well, here it is, exactly 1 year to the day of my arrival to the Queen Charlotte Islands/Haida Gwaii as a permanent resident, and it looks like I haven't shaved since. What a year… I think any regular readers would have to admit that I have participated in some of the most extreme and magical, not to mention beautiful experiences any human could hope for. I’ve caught some the most beautiful specimen of fish available, some washed up on shore, and some to my plate. I’ve gathered some of the most extensive flotsam and Jetsom available, and it seems to continue. I’ve been to the highest and lowest points on the islands, and have pictures to prove it.
I learned how to surf! This has got to be one of the proudest, defining moments of this year. Man, I think I deserved it too, getting freezing cold salt water shoved up my nose for hours at a time, and coming back for more and more! I've managed to buff up a bit, and I look forward to the next season and refining my skills and to get to a more populated beach to see from some serious dudes what the next level looks like.
What has changed in my life... Well, I have retired from the Swim Coaching gig which has alleviated a great deal of stress from overbearing gossipy mothers, and ratty ass kids - much needed professional advancement, not to mention getting up at 6am by choice.
What hasn't changed... well I’ve maintained a single-status for what seems like forever. With such a small percentage of available, good-looking, sane women on the island, I can’t complain. I think I’m ready now for a future leap into a relationship and hope that it comes with open arms. Not sure what I want right now, but I think it’s something like that.
What else has not really changed, but expanded is my appreciation of nature and health has taken a light year leap forwards as the hunter/gatherer has been full on this year and have felt comfortable knowing where all of my food has come from. I’ve learned that electricity and running water are luxuries and not necessarily mandatory to living. That being said, I’m pretty glad I have them both, although I could probably get by with out the hydro.
Things I'm proud of... I’ve managed to be productive in society, volunteering at many avenues and participating in several gatherings. I feel like I’ve found a community that truly values my participation and the skills and words I use. I think the future will be pride in saying 'no' when asked for my participation and letting the people around not have me around so much, which may be good for everone, including me. Where do I go from here…
Well, I think I’ve committed to staying here for a little longer, not sure how long. Real estate is beyond affordable, so my time here may be limited by my desire to rent. I’m definitely going to spend more time reading and writing, which has been a good occupation this summer, and a long overdue skill learned. I think that I’m going to have to spend this winter getting out of the old academic mindset and viewing a bit more on practical skills and guiding. I have seen such a great deal of this island and think it good to share this with others, and make a buck doing it!
What about my resolutions… well, I’d like to say that I’ve at least tried all 51, but not too sure I’ve completed them all, I think I still got a couple months left eh? For the most part, I’d say I’ve done pretty good with myself. I believe I’ve bettered myself and improved upon the lives of others. That’s probably all that anyone can ask of themselves.

Vow of Silence

Well, what a weekend. I did nothing. I did garden naked on Sunday so that must count as something, and actually, I spent Saturday bushwacking for about 10 hours in behind my house in search of a secret river that is apparently full of trout with lollypop trees and gumdrop houses. No sarcasm found here... well, didn't find any of the lollypop trees, but it was certainly a beautiful place and worthy of such acclaim. Lots of oldgrowth with moss knee deep in places. What a gem to find and so close to home! Lots of trout that are heading for the smoker this week, and some great mushrooms for the incredible edibles. The top picture is 'chicken of the woods' by far the tastiest mushroom I've ever had. As for the vow of silence, I've been so busy this year, integrating myself into my new society, I just needed to take some time to myself. It is amazing how well a little note on your door works. That combined with the social event of the year going on down south made for my silence to work out quite well. In all, only 2 short conversations in 48 hours and nothing but natural sounds. I'm a bit of a deer in the headlights today coming into work, but I think the time alone was very theraputic. Gives some time for introspection. And on that note, I got to think a bit about life, the philosophies that surround us 'hippies' or new agers and the dichotomy that we live. I mean, with the 100 mile diet, we are supposed to gather all our food from on island, and granted a great philosophy, but with this should we also adopt the spirituality and guidance from on island as well? Are those that practice eastern medicine controvening this philosophy? Can we follow a mayan shaman, but not eat his bananas? By listening to heavy metal am I saying that I love buddah and satan equally? Granted they have both given great things... peace and love, and of course the woodstock with all the fires. Ahhh satan, the fun you've given us. And the tree-hugging, mother earth loving people that dump their grey water right on their drinking water table??? See where I'm coming from? I know, I know, maybe being alone isn't the best thing to do at times when introspection governs your intellect. None the less, the foundation of a philosophy is through fact gathering and debate, retesting, rinse and repeat. So where from here... Perhaps I should check the identification books of those mushrooms... Well, I think it's official, I'm slightly coo coo, and long overdue for a trip off island and it's coming soon. Booked my flight off this island to... well, another island. Van Island to be exact. Leaving Sept. 16th to Oct. 7th and can't wait. Full of friends, and a little stint of surf on long beach. Looking forward to this excursion. After that, who knows, perhaps a little more introspection... reconnecting with buddah and satan and all the boys.

You ever get that feeling that someone is watching you....

Well, here is the view from the final performance of 'Godot' at the Performing Arts Center in Prince Rupert. An amazing venue, we had 2 great shows to end it all off and whew... glad to be done. Time to get my life back in order and take a little 'personal audit' and work on things for myself. I'm beginning to write an original play for next year, and hopefully get some surf in this week with a big gale northwester coming in. Life is pretty grand I must say and the trip off the island was long overdue.
You really get to appreciate the time spent off island, despite living in paradise. The trip to McDonalds, the shopping mall. Amazing things that I was so happy to discard when I left, have become welcome sights on return. But, once again upon departure, very happy to say goodbye to them all.
The trip was met with meeting some great old friends, if only for a minute. Nice to see all the rupertites having a great time on the long weekend. I will no doubt be back again soon.


First mushroom of the season. Looks like a huge chantrelle, but it's pretty hollow, so we were a bit confused on the species. This is about 9" tall!

Devil's Club coming into full flower. Very strong medicinal plant. And sharp as hell! They don't call it Devil's Club for nothing.