Oh to be loved

Oh to be loved. No greater feeling in the world. Thank you Lucy for being my best friend, lover, confidant, supporter, source of inspiration and someone I admire. It's great to have people like that in your life that can make somewhat challenging times bearable if not remarkable. Sometimes when your confidence wanes, having that special person to make you right keeps it all together and helps you feel your inner peace.

I've been going through a dramatic spectrum of emotions since arriving back home from Mexico. Poor and alone, also no doubt because of the dramatic change in climate including a 30 degree drop in air and water temperature. Partially because of the isolation to the rest of the world and the relative proximity to everyone here. In a small town you are in contact with virtually everyone in town all the time. Everyone has a purpose... nice lady at Masset Grocery, cook at the seabreeze, lady at the post office, town drunks (some of these guys have two jobs), and of course the surf guy. From time to time there gets to be conflict and for some reason this town doesn't let things go. I'm sure it's everywhere, but I've heard of grudges that have gone on for 30 years over a stolen girlfriend. How can you not talk to someone in a town of 800 people for 30 years! Let's not kid ourselves, you don't break up with a girl around here... you just lose your turn.

Another thing that can be difficult with regards to this is the shit-talk that goes on behind people's back. I've found myself hearing things said about me for no reason. Most of them not true. Hell, the true stuff I'll live with, better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. Anyways, I got a few people that I'm pretty pissed off with and wanted to let you feel the same way. Even though you can have as much confidence as possible with your life, and know that you try all the time, your heart aches when someone says or does things to hurt you. Turning the other cheek works sometimes, but sometimes not. It actually stands to allow the fuckface that is being agressive to do it again. So what do you do?

Can I look in the mirror and say I've never done the same? Of course not. I've been jealous of others, been judgemental of strangers, and also spoke when I wasn't completely sure of the facts. I believe that to change. I resolved this year to be non-judgemental and will continue to be so. The rest of those that continue to judge, gossip, and cowardly-like talk shit can kiss my ass. I don't have to fucking impress you. My heart will mend and you will live in your false world. I vowed not to rely on Karma, but to make it for myself. I have to continue to help people, be honest and do the right thing, regardless of the outcome.

I also realize that I have so many loving family members, friends, and a wonderful partner that support me, gives me the hells' yah on a daily basis and have fun together. The rest of the friendly crew that comes in and out all the time are too numerous to mention and a full army of supporters that I would go to great lengths for as well. They all are good people and I love them. Well, enough of a rant for this day. Sometimes paradise has its downs. So, to celebrate the down, I'm going to have a glass of vino, make some deer burgers, and spend some quality time with myself... he's really a great guy.